Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dear god my vagina.
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