You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
