living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
