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Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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