I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize