The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
