I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
