Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
