You're so nebulous sometimes
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
