I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
