I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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