Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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