Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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