Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
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Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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