Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
