last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
