my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize