I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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