Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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