It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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