I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
