I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
