Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
