Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
