so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
