Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
