Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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