I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
COCAINE IS GR8
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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