Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
