Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
