I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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