i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.