i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx