You just made me feel so damn special
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize