I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then he peed in my hair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
