I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
