I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
