My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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