Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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