You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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