I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
