my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
