Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
