I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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