Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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