Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
