You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
