I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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