If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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