How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
