My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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