This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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