I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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