Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just took my morning after pill in the library
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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