I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
