Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
