I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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