I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
