Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
